You're lying on the floor playing with your 11-month-old. The familiar sensation of warm liquid on your arm brings you out of your daydream and into the reality of a stream of white spit-up literally connecting you with your offspring. It forms a pool on your arm and drips onto the carpet of the house you have lived in for approximately seven days, followed by an agile baby maneuver that results in a knee covered in spit-up.
The liquid grosses you out, bothers your baby and begins to seep into the carpet. You reach for the wipes and find one left in the green plastic cannister. Here's the dilemma: what do you clean first? Your arm, your carpet, or your child?
I Do Now
5 days ago
10 comments:
First, my arm. Second, the carpet. And third, the kid can wait until bathtime. He'll probably just spit up again anyway. :P
Long Answer: Years ago, in a sacrament meeting in Provo, Caitlin spit up (spat up?) on my dark suit. I don't remember my reasoning, or if I even thought about it, but I do recall what I did: I cleaned her face. Only then did I try to dab and wipe the goo out of my coat. After the meeting, a woman I didn't know told my wife how impressed she was to see me do that. "What a great father," she said. Was my choice of cleaning the baby before the suit the best one? I don't know, but I have it on the authority of some lady in Provo that THAT is what great fathers do.
Short Answer: I don't know.
Excerpts From A Potential Response in the form of a Dialogue:
Materialism v. Stewardship:
"I know it's just carpet, but how will I ever be made ruler over many things if I can't be faithful over a few things, like my seven-day-old carpet?"
Paternalism vs. Pragmatism:
"My duty is indeed to protect my child from danger, a category which includes sharp objects, BBC television shows intended for children, and his own partially digested food. Can I discharge this duty better with knives stuck in me, or while hypnotized by Boohbah, or while drenched in vomitus? Not in the least! Recall the instructions of airline flight attendant concerning the yellow oxygen bags. I am to put on my own mask first, so I may better mask my child. Is it not so with spit up?"
The arm, definitely. If you're grossed out with spit on yourself, you won't be able to clean up the other stuff. We love the new house, what a great backyard!
Carpet. Definitely.
New house looks great! Y'all must be so much more comfortable.
Hmmm.. If it isn't dripping off my arm, then I get the baby first so that he doesn't spread it any further. Then my arm. Last I get the carpet cleaner for the carpet. You guys post the funniest stuff. It makes for a great read!
New carpet first. Then proceed to the bathroom in a hunched over position to cradle said spit-up and prevent it from dripping elsewhere until you can get to the sink to wash yourself and the baby.
Carolyn
My arm, no question. And all parents should invest in a carpet cleaner.
It depends if I'm owning or renting. Renting: me. Owning: carpet. Boys put disgusting goo on themselves by choice. Who am I to meddle with a good thing?
Great question. I first came up with my order, but then...
This seems like an appropriate question for an over-quantified society. Why does short-term order have to imply priority?
If you kiss your wife before going to bed does that mean you value her least of all the things you do in the day - except sleep, which you apparently value least/last of all?
If all three objects were receiving immediate, equal harm then perhaps there is an implication. But none seems to be in imminent trouble, so
just enjoy the humor of the moment - which is the "thing" at greatest risk posed by the question...
You are hilarious! That really is quite the dilemma. Good luck with that one!
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